A recent visit to London coincided with surprisingly good weather, and as I had some time to spare, I went for a walk along Park Lane. This is the street running along the eastern edge of Hyde Park. Being one of the most expensive parts of London, the car dealerships there are less than standard. I knew about the McLaren F1 shop, where they sell the world's most expensive road car at £500,000. There's also an Aston Martin shop, and I was looking forward to seeing the new Jaguar X350 further up the road (it looks better in real life than in pictures). However, since last time I was there, a Rolls-Royce shop had sprung up as well.

Given the prices of real estate in the area, these aren't full-blown dealerships, but just cars in a window. The Rolls-Royce shop was no different: just a big new Phantom standing there on its own. More bizarre was the spec sheet in the window. It was a plain piece of A4 paper, listing the features of the Rolls, starting with "beverage holders front and rear." It ended with the quarter-million pound price tag. Very incongruous and tacky.

This was the first time I'd seen the new Rolls-Royce in real life, and I spent considerable time looking at it from all possible angles as best the window permitted (it was after closing time). It's huge. It's really, really big. But Rolls-Royces have always been big cars, so that in itself is not surprising. Although I am a fan of big cars in general, this one did not do much for me. It was big and bulky without being refined, subtle or beautiful. Looking closely at the car there are some styling elements that you can't see well in pictures. The headlights are more than just plain quandrangles, but this can't make up for the sheer angular appearance of the car in general. The effect of the Phantom is too overwhelming for that.

The proportions are wrong. The grille is too big, the lights too small, the windows too compact. It it lacking in grace, and goes for bulk for bulk's sake. It remains to be seen how it does on the road, as a car's true impact can only be judged in relation to its surroundings. For instance, the Jaguar X-Type looks a lot better in isolation than it does on the road, when it becomes obvious that it's a small car, and nothing really special. It's the differential in design with the rest of the cars that determines how good a car looks in the wild. Showrooms can be deceptive.

Rolls-Royces have a tradition of being huge. If you ever see a Silver Cloud on the road, you'll know what I mean. The Silver Cloud is a true classic in terms of design, and epitomizes the Rolls-Royce aesthetic. The Silver Cloud series dates back to 1955 with the introduction of the Silver Cloud I, which also was produced in beautiful drophead versions. The Silver Cloud III was marked primarily by the quad headlights. What I can't judge is these cars' impact when they were new; most cars on the road in those days were smaller (at least in Europe) than they are now, and the Silver Cloud must have made an imposing sight as the sailed down the streets. But even while the Cloud was in production, it was not the only Rolls-Royce on sale. There was the even bigger Phantom V, which was meant for those who could still afford a driver. It's interesting the the new Rolls picks up the old name of the Phantom and marks a break with the "Silver" series. The current Phantom should perhaps be called the Phantom VII to be consistent. The Phantom VI was in production until 1991. It's big enough to be a passenger-in-the-back car rather than one for people who enjoy driving themselves. Perhaps Rolls-Royce will bring a second, smaller car to the market to complement the Phantom.

Still, the design of the Phantom, despite its retro styling cues cannot entice me. Rolls-Royce had been improving with the Silver Seraph and the Corniche after the dreary and unimaginative Silver Spur series of the 1980's and 1990's, which marked the low point in Rolls-Royce design; not only were they lacking in aesthetic virtue, what's worse, they were bland and forgettable. The current Phantom may be ugly, but it's not a car you'd overlook. Any publicity is good publicity, right?

BMW's first attempt at creating a Rolls-Royce is less than an overwhelming success aesthetically. They tried too hard. The Phantom has all the classic Rolls-Royce features, such a big grill, front wheels very far forward, a huge engine, a flat compartment floor in the back, lots of leather and wood even waftability... but while they managed to identify and assemble the individual features that make a Rolls a Rolls, they never managed to synthesize a coherent whole out of it. The new Phantom is a paint-by-numbers Rolls Royce.