DILACERATOR: Real life imitates Monty Python

February 24, 2003

Real life imitates Monty Python

Speaking of last chances, the entire UN circus reminds of a Monty Python sketch. There is of course the famous Spanish Inquisition sketch with a numerically confused Cardinal Ximenez trying to explain the Inquisition's mean weapons. And then there's Photos of Uncle Ted. It looks like the UN took the Pythonesque rendition of the Inquisition as its role model for dealing with Iraq. The number of last chances keeps increasing, and the proposed method of torture is about as effective poking the old lady with cushions, even with all the stuffing up one end. I think we're now at the phase where France and Germany will propose the use of the Comfy Chair in order to make Saddam comply.

Ximinez: Right! If that's the way you want it -- Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

(Biggles carries out this rather pathetic torture)

Ximinez: Confess! Confess! Confess!

Biggles: It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.

Ximinez: Have you got all the stuffing up one end?

Biggles: Yes, lord.

Ximinez: (angrily hurling away the cushions) Hm! She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch...THE COMFY CHAIR!

(JARRING CHORD - Zoom into Fang's horrified face)

Fang: (terrified) The...Comfy Chair?

(Biggles pushes in a comfy chair -- a really plush one)

Ximinez: So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

(They roughly push her into the Comfy Chair)

Ximinez: (with a cruel leer) Now -- you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. (aside, to Biggles) Is that really all it is?

Biggles: Yes, lord.

Ximinez: I see. I suppose we make it worse by shouting a lot, do we? Confess, woman. Confess! Confess! Confess! Confess!

Biggles: I confess!

Ximinez: Not you!

It should be pointed out that in this sketch, Biggles in played by France. We'll soon see their confession, no doubt.

Posted by qsi at February 24, 2003 11:52 PM | TrackBack (0)
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Comments

It's not entirely surprising that parts of Europe are undermining the unity of the West. The Byzantines lost Constantinople (now Istanbul) because they were too busy contending with each other to fight the Muslim Turks at their gates. Faction has been a defining characteristic of Christianity since its founding. Note that there are literally hundreds of Christian denominations, but only three Muslim ones. Tolerance of doctrinal differences is both a strength and a weakness of Christianity. In times of peace, it leads to wondrous discoveries - in times of war, it leads to fratricide.

Posted by: Zhang Fei on February 25, 2003 05:51 PM

Clearly Saddam is also using the Big Python Bok of Diplomacy, the section called The Cheese Shop.
The UN inspectors play the frustrated customer trying to obtain a piece of cheese, Saddam the shifty proprietor considering and rejecting each inquiry for one variety or another, without actually offering an alternative.

Of course the denouement comes in this case as it does in the Python text:

"Now I'm going to ask you if you in fact have any weapons of mass destruction at all, and if you give me the answer no, I am going to shoot you."

Posted by: Dave F on February 26, 2003 08:41 PM