Making friends in Japan

When going abroad I like to know at least a little about the language that I will be subjected to. In most European countries, I can usually understand something of what's spoken (with a few notable exceptions). But even when I'm not going to other places, I still like to dabble with languages. I've never been to Japan, but that hasn't stopped me from buying a number of books on the Japanese language. My favorite is Wicked Japanese, a phrasebook for business travelers. The actual phrases themselves are useless because they poke fun at the Japanese. It's a highly instructive book though, and good for many laughs. It of course depends on stereotypes for its laughs, but in most cases they do point to some underlying truth. A sample of phrases the book teaches Japanese philosophy:

Follow the hierarchy or get crushed like the October plum. Soshiki ni shitagawa naito, umeboshi mitai ni hosareru yo.

And it also gives advice how to praise disemboweling Noh actors:

How gracefully their guts fell to the floor! Harawata no kobore guai ni hin ga atta!

In case of an emergency how to describe your current whereabouts:

I am at the corner of two nameless streets! Nanashi no nihon no michi no kado ni imasu!

This is followed by phrases to explain that you're near a sushi bar or electronics store. The book also has sections explaining Japanese customs with the occasional phrase. In the unlikely case that you should get invited to someone's home, there are the obligatory compliments:

And in the living room, I am struck by the Hello Kitty motif. Ima no kitty-chan no kazaritsuke niwa kando shimashita.

The pages titled "Avoiding Ambulatory Food" give handy phrases for use in a restaurant and dealing with the very fresh ingredients:

How the honorable shrimp struggle as they choke to death! Ebi no idaina saigo desu!

Then there are the inevitable phrases for surviving in a Japanese company, such as agreeing with your superiors even if they're completely wrong. Then there's the motivational stuff for life in a Japanese company:

My dream is to be a tiny cog in a huge and honorable machine. Yumei na daigaisha no hitotsu no haguruma ni naritai.

Of course, there's much more. The book's copyright notice is from 1991, a time when the circumstances in Japan were very different. The phrase asking for a loan of 10 billion yen at 4% interest does not quite pack the same punch these days as it once did.

Even if you're not going to Japan, this is a fun book to have. (No, I'm not making any money off of this. I just thought I needed some lighter fare after all the dour and dreary economics stuff in my previous post.)

Kampai!