Open invitation to burglars

Introducing the new resort for professional criminals everywhere: the Netherlands! Come spend your vacation in this lovely country of polders, cows, cheese and easy to rob houses! Included in your vacation package is a weekend stay in a luxury hotel, your free "Burgle in Holland" guide and a complimentary crowbar. Reserve now and enjoy the vacation of a lifetime!

Yes, burgling has never been easier. Nor less dangerous. The chances of getting caught in Holland are low to begin with, but as of today, you need not fear investigation in the land of tulips and windmills. The new guidelines for the police state that only serious offenses will be investigated. Your standard burglary is not one of them. There are going to be "minimum requirements" for crime in order to be investigated; breaking the law is not enough (unless you're speeding, but that's different, of course). Now if a crime does not meet the criteria, the police won't even bother.

The Amsterdam police chief Jelle Kuiper crititized the plans, because of the emotional impact on the victims. But that was foreseen, in the words of J. L. de Wijkerslooth, the mandarin whose brainchild this is: "In other words, the police will only come into action if the victim complains. That can't ever be the basis for investigative policy or for victim prioritization." Yes, heaven forbid that victims of crime actually complain about the police's inaction!

But all is not lost, as the whole thing is scientifically underpinned. "In industry it's perfectly normal to do a market analysis before making an investment." Ah right, it's an investment now. Everything is an investment. Child care, education, welfare, health care, it's all investment. Now catching criminals is an investment too. Or not catching them. It's not neglect or dereliction of duty, it's just opportunity loss in terms of catching criminals.

But finally it is the minister of justice who's responsible. Says De Wijkerslooth:

The criteria fall under the political responsibility of the minister, which also legitimizes them politically. This puts the district attorneys on a firmer footing when they have to say 'no' to all the organizations and interest groups who want them to do 'a bit more' or a 'a bit less' than has been agreed upon."

Good to see that this is going to make the DA's lives easier then. I've been worried about their mental state quite a bit recently, and in terms of overall investment, it's more than reasonable to sacrifice the odd victim or two to relieve pressure elsewhere in the System.

So now it's official: don't count on the State to protect you or your property. Not that this is anything new. It's just blatantly out in the open now. Does this mean that citizens will be allowed to defend themselves? Of course not. Guns remain largely illegal, and besides, self-defense if frowned upon and harming burglars is not being ignored by the police. It's harming other human beings after all. And while they're robbing your house, perhaps you should ask yourself why they hate you so much. It's poverty, of course. And as a house-owning member of the bourgeousie you're part of the system them oppresses the poor criminals, leading them to rob your house. It's all your fault really. Defending your home and your family only escalates the cycle of violence.

Pfui.