Of course the Netherlands has one. You mean to say your country doesn't have a Social and Cultural Planning Bureau? Well, it is good to know that the Netherlands has this vital organization tied into the very heart of government. It is obviously impossible to have either a social structure or culture without either being planned. I mean, if you don't give people social and cultural guidance, the skies would be rent open to reveal the petrifying face of Primordial Chaos. Or even worse, people might do things that the wise bureaucrats of Social and Cultural Planning disapprove of.

The name conjures up images unbidden: Brazil, the film. Countless bureaucrats toiling away day after day, charting the future course of Social and Cultural Things. Quick, the people in the province of Zeeland are not consuming enough of their Cultural Vegetables! Send in a quick dollop of musical broccoli! And after we told them right from their childhood on to eat their Cultuveggies... how frustrating it is. The last consignment of Stockhausen Carrots went largely unconsumed too. They just don't know what's good for them. All they want is sugar-heavy nekulturny desserts. Memo to Televisual Directorate: Should we ban MTV?

But, at the end of a hard day's work of planning, the reward lies in a job well done. "Honey, I'm home! And you won't believe what happened at work today! We discovered that there was going to be a surplus of Social Deprivation Units in west Amsterdam, so we had to adjust the notional child-care distribution curve to shift Synthetic Social Health Propagation Tokens from Zaanstad to make up for it. We just averted a major crisis!"

Phew. That was a close one.